Minx gives the famed Chateau Marmont Hotel ? the dreaded “NO LIKEY” stamp. Gasp.

I wanted to try a new spot. Why not Chateau Marmont ? Lindsey Lohan lived there, Benico Del Tor allegedly got saucy in the elevator with Scarlett Johansson. Come to think of it, anyone who is anyone in Hollywood since the days of  James Dean have also gotten lost around this Mecca.

Finding the entrance is the first issue. I get discretion, but confusion is SO not minxy ! Time wasting ?!, no time for that….

Finding the restaurant is the next task. Up some old staircase, reminiscent of a English Manor house, one that needs the carpets shampooed or changed.

The hotel front desk is across from the host stand for their restaurant. I give them my best “Minx from Minx In the City” which recently has hood winked them into giving me the best table, wink ( keep that between you and me )

We are led outside to a kind of charming garden like setting. Same chairs and table as Cheesecake Factory, observant, eh ?

First thing I notice is a huge table of Baby Shower attendees…women getting louder, as the Mimosas keep a coming. Keep it down toasty bitches.

Ben Stiller’s Dad, was there. Seated with a family type group – no Ben

Its freezing, so Minx does her usual Goldie Locks Routine = musical tables till I find the one that is “just right”.

We move inside, and seated at a old crusty sofa, circa 1940, quite comfy. I worry it has fleas. Until I realize I am sitting at a coffee table….Goldie Locks needs a higher table.

High Maintenance Minx gives the hostess a “So not minxy” look and we are moved yet again. This time to a tiny table that is reminicent of the “kids table” at Holiday gatherings.

By this time, I need a glass of wine. I’ll take it.

Menu is extensive, quite a lot of choices. Usual American fare. Food average.

Comedian Richard Lewis arrives. He looks like someone emptied a bag of flower over his head. Last time I saw him on HBO’s Curb Your Enthusiasm he had black hair. He acted very quirky, sat alone, and seemed to be using the hotel lobby area as his office. Requesting a table cloth, which no one else had on their old termite eaten tables. He must be a regular, or a fussy pain like Minx. He sits and listens to a old school potable CD player, looks around alot like he is hearing voices.

I order a latte. It arrives in a soup terrine type bowl. Now I really feel like Goldie Locks, as I can’t drink out of it. No handle, just a stub on each side.

The waiters are all pretty cute. Chances are they likey boys

My cute but playing on opposite team waiter, went to find a cup that I could actually drink out of without appearing un-minxy. He was gone for ages. Perhaps off to a store to buy one ?

Turns out the lobby restaurant, doubles as come “room not ready” waiting area.

A family with 3 young children arrives. They each take turns screaming and crying, then have a cry off. Myself and fellow neurotic Richard Lewis are not amused.

Next to join the “waiting for room to be ready” gang, is none other than Olympic Gold Medalist Michael Phelps and entourage.

Michael pulls out a bong, and the room filled with pot smoke….that was totally untrue, but funny.

No photography signs were posted. I didn’t have my camera, and really did not want to bug. What was he wearing ?  Speedo’s ?, no a baseball hat, wrap around Oakley style shades, jeans, & t shirt. No flash, no labels, no ( visable ) bong.

I guess people are drawn to the quirky old Hollywood vibe, I just find it old and crusty. Very similar to the Roosevelt Hotel, Hollywood Blvd.

Leaving was the biggest pain in the butt. 1 valet, a hidden driveway of arriving guests. Seemed to take forever.

I did want to check out the pool. Howard Hughes alegedly spied on ladies by the pool with binoculars from his hotel room. How silly. Just grab a chair by the pool and wear shades, every other male does. Alas by this time, I was over the Chateau Marmont, Zzzzzzz.

Would I go back ? probably not.